A Letter to Myself Mid-Deployment

Staying positive during the tough times.
Staying positive during the tough times.

Dear Meredith, 

You’ve made it. You are now officially halfway done with this latest deployment. You are surviving, your kids are striving, and your husband is doing well on the other side of the world. Sure, some of that time you were back in the states visiting family, and you had all the reinforcements needed, but you are now back home and loving the routine and the normalcy of just living day to day. 

For every successful trip to the BX there are 10 unsuccessful trips, filled with meltdowns and apologetic glances your way. Focus on the successful ones and pat yourself on the back for a job well done.

Last night, when you finally sat down at the end of the day and cried to yourself after a particularly hard day, know that there are a million other moms out there who had their own hard days.

You are not alone.

There are days where you consume one too many glasses of wine after tucking those sweet souls into bed, but know that you are doing what is needed to survive this time. 

There are times where you amaze yourself at how productive you have been, all while keeping the miniature human beings happy. There are also times where your patience is non-existent, and you know you aren’t being fair in the latest punishment handed down.

But, tomorrow wake up and build that Lego set that has been sitting in the box for far too long because, “you just don’t have time,” and know that those few minutes spent with your son will make his heart smile for a long time. 

You miss your husband so much that it hurts, but the worst part is you barely have time to devote to your long distance relationship.

You can’t remember the last time you received a good, solid hug from someone over the age of 4. You miss hugs.

The hardest part of the day is the end, when you just want to watch a show with your husband or play a good game of Scrabble while listening to Pink Floyd. You have not written him a single love note this deployment, something you have done so well in the past. He understands that this time around the extra time has been nonexistent, but just to make sure he knows how much you appreciate him, write him a letter for his homecoming. 

Heck, you have even managed to lose most of the baby weight while he has been gone. Sure, it may be because you barely have time to eat, let alone prepare a semi-healthy meal since he has been gone. But, focus on the positive! You have been somewhat successful in training for a marathon during this deployment, regardless of the time it will take to finish the run, you WILL finish. 

The nights are coming where you can go out and enjoy a drink with friends or a good movie and leave the kids at home with Dad. All of those blog posts that you are putting off writing? They will soon be written after a nice, long morning at the local coffee shop while he takes the kids to the zoo. No need for a babysitter when your husband is home! Heck, you may even be able to sleep to 7 a.m. soon because he is home to feed the starving kiddos breakfast after their 5:30 a.m. wake-up call. 

You will soon hit that wall near the end of the deployment where every single day is a hard day. It will be hard to find the joy, and it will be hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but know that you are close.

You are close to being able to hug and kiss your man, you are close to being able to see your son run to him and give him the biggest hug you have ever seen, and you are so close to being able to see your daughter’s eyes light up just seeing her daddy’s face. You are an amazing mom, an amazing wife and truthfully, no one could raise these kids better than you and him!

Hang in there and know that you have what it takes to finish this deployment; you have what it takes to be the strong, confident woman that your kids need you to be. And most importantly you have what is needed to make this time fly by, wine. 

Love always and laugh often,