Don’t “Hey Girl” Me!


Hey Girl!

Those two little words set my teeth on edge. Does anyone else cringe when they hear that greeting? Unless it is in the form of a Ryan Gosling meme, I cannot stand that greeting.

Ryan Gosling Hey Girl meme
©️ Women’s Health Magazine

Okay, maybe not every time you hear it. But what about when you get a Facebook message notification from someone who you haven’t spoken to in quite some time, and the first line is, “Hey Girl!”? I always hold out a little hope when I open it. Maybe I’m wrong this time, and this friend really is just checking in; maybe they’re headed to our same duty station and are reaching out for info. 

“Hey Girl! Hope you’re doing well! Those kids of yours are just soooo cute/ are getting soooo big/ you look amazing/ love the pictures of where you’re stationed now!! Just wanted to let you know that I have a party open for this new product I’m selling….”


Look, I get it. Moving a career around as a military spouse is hard. Feeling like you are contributing financially to your family while you stay home with the kids is even harder. Add in the pressure of feeling like everyone has a #sidehustle or is a #bossbabe right now, it might make one feel that jumping on board with a direct sales company is just part of this military mom lifestyle. I’m not sure if it’s due in part to all of the COVID craziness or if everyone is just settling in after summer PCS season but lately, a whole lot more, “Hey Girl” greetings have landed in my inbox. 

I totally get that in many ways, working for an MLM feels like it makes sense for a military spouse.

It’s something you can move with you, answer questions and follow up on your own timeline, and hopefully earn a little bit of money for yourself. I too fell through the trapdoor into the world of high-end skincare with an even higher-end price tag. My foray ended almost immediately, and I lost a fair bit of money which felt embarrassing to admit to my husband and left me feeling more than a little icky. This was my 500th reminder that I am not a salesperson of anything at all ever under any circumstance. 
Personally, I’ve bought quite a few products from both friends and “friends” over the years- books, skin cream, workout regiments, products to make the room smell good, nails… that’s not even half of it now that I’m sitting here thinking about it all!

Some of it was because I really truly wanted it. But more often than not, it was because I felt like if I were a good friend, I would support someone and sign up or buy something

And not everyone who sells falls into that aggressive category. I’ve enjoyed and been a repeat customer for those products. That second group of “friends” though… if you’ve been there, then you know it feels so predatory, and I can promise I never repurchased that product or valued that friendship again. 
two women friends
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

So hey girl! This time, let me tell you something.

Sometimes there are interesting products out there, and I won’t take a hard and fast “I will never buy from an MLM” stance (though I know plenty of people do). But if you ever want me to even think about buying something from you, consider a few things:
  • Do not message me under the guise of friendship. You aren’t coming to me as a friend, you are coming AT me as a salesperson who is using our personal history to target me. Friends don’t do that. 
  • Do not add me to a party without asking me first. Yes, I see you post about it as your status update, and I promise that if I need a new spatula I will join your party that’s about to close out. I really will. 
  • Do not invite me repeatedly to join your group. Once is good. I’d prefer never, but if you’re going to manage yourself that way, go hog wild and invite everyone all at one time – and then leave your friends alone. I saw the invite, and I declined.  Don’t try again, no matter what your upline says.
  • Do not friend request me from your new business profile. Creating a separate account makes a lot of sense, and I see when you share the posts from that account to your regular one. Nobody is “missing” it. We just don’t care to be a part of it. 

So let’s stay friends. Don’t “Hey Girl” me, and I promise to not do that to you either. Let’s catch up for real.