I became a stay-at-home mom on purpose.
I had to quit my job and was 27 weeks pregnant when I moved to the great state of Texas, so I made a deal with my husband. I would stay at home with our child as long as it was financially possible.
Thirteen years and three kids later, I am still a stay-at-home mommy. Daycare prices are scary. I am a paranoid Mommy after seeing news headlines that are the things parental nightmares are made of. If you are one of the people who have ever watched my kids, know you are one of the rare few. Yes, I know more than likely people categorize me as a “helicopter mom” and I am okay with that.
But there are things I wish you understood…
Being a full-time mom is a job.
Someone telling you that being a stay-at-home mom is not a job is as insulting as telling a working mom that she is not a full-time mom, too. My job is to make sure the house runs smoothly and keep the kids alive and most days, that is a struggle. My hat is off to working moms because I do not even know how y’all are functioning.
Moms do not get sick days.
I could be suffering a “both ends” explosive stomach virus, sprained ankle falling down the stairs, or a migraine; yet I am still trying to figure out how to juggle school drop-offs and pickups, homework, dinner, and take care of me. Throw in a kid home sick with me for good measure, and that much-needed nap to rest and recover is not going to happen.
As a stay-at-home mom, I am on call 24/7 because my husband is the one who works outside of the home, and napping on the job would be frowned upon. So the 3:00 am screams and gagging coming from the bathroom – that is all mommy!
My time is valuable too.
Just because I do not get paid to do my job does not mean my time is not worth something. One of my biggest pet peeves is making an appointment and still waiting an hour and a half to even be seen. If I have to respect your time enough to schedule an appointment and be on time, then I would like that same consideration in return. I gave up other things I could have been getting accomplished during the time I wasted waiting for that appointment. Just as your time is valuable, so is mine.
I do not fully understand my job title, and my work usually not at home.
There are often weeks at a time when I really do not understand the “stay-at-home” part of my job. School drop off, pick up, field trips, school meetings, after school therapy sessions, grocery shopping, doctor/dentist/eye/haircut appointments, waiting at the pharmacy, car maintenance, birthday parties, playdates, errands in general…I feel like my home is in the minivan. Where is all this time I should be getting to spend at home?
I still expect my husband to be an equal partner.
Once my husband is home for the day, that does not mean that his work is over. We have kids and a home TOGETHER. While I do take care of most things because I am a stay at home mom, this family is both of our responsibility.
We both deal with homework. I cook dinner while he does the baths. After dinner, I usually put away leftovers and dirty dishes while he sweeps the kitchen and throws out the trash. We both go through bedtime routines with the boys. On weekends if there is a project around the house that is too big for me to do alone, he helps.
This Mom would love a House Elf.
I am by no means a consistent housekeeper. I am pretty sure that if I ever finished the laundry, I would more than likely find the House Elf I was issued dead at the bottom of the hamper. I am a procrastinator (I’m excellent at it too!) and hate cleaning the house. I would rather go outside and get sunburned cutting the grass in 100°+ heat than clean the boys’ bathroom.
You will never see my house as clean as the version I have in my head of how I think it should be. Just because I am a stay at home mom does not mean I enjoy housework. So if you know of a good House Elf in need of full-time work, send him or her my way!
I admit it: I want a Super Mom cape.
The mom I thought I would be when I was pregnant is not the mom I am now. I wish I was some sort of combination of Martha Stewart, Joanna Gaines, and Ree Drummond all rolled into one! But it is just not happening.
I want to be that Super Mom with the homemade cookies and glass of milk waiting when the kids get home from school and who has the house cleaned on a regularly maintained schedule. I long for picture-worthy meals and time to do cute crafts and other projects with the kids. But LIFE HAPPENS.
Even so, I think I’m doing a pretty great job at raising tiny humans and managing a busy household. I think I earn my Super Mom cape on most days and would proudly don it.
I may not be the Mommy I imagined I would be, but I am the Mommy they need. And I can be okay with that.