As the school year started, I decided I needed to revamp my boys’ chore chart.  I wanted them to work on creating good habits that aligned with our new schedule.  I also wanted to put an emphasis on the important daily tasks.  I started with the classics such as, make bed, brush teeth, unload backpack, clean out lunchbox, etc.  Then of course I needed the at-home chores like:  take the garbage out, exercise, help me dust, etc.  All of that was a no-brainer.  Looking at my list it looked pretty good but I knew that while all of those things will help develop good personal habits, none of them would challenge their heart growth.  I decided to add in, “be a friend”.  This didn’t mean just play on the playground with someone or sit by your friend at lunch.  It meant, find something whether it be an action or words that can benefit another person.  Don’t get me wrong, I want my boys to know they have to work hard and have respect for their things.  But, it’s more important for them to know now that they must have compassion towards others, and that’s not always easy.

When I talked to the boys about it initially, I received an excited, “OH! Yeah, I can be a friend!  I’m really good at that.”  And they truly are.  Both my boys might as well walk around with “park greeter” name plates because no kid is a stranger to them.  But that wasn’t what I meant.  I wanted them to find special things that they don’t already do and be able to explain why they thought it meant they were being a friend.  Big or small, our actions matter and have an effect on others.  I gave them a few examples of what “being a friend” could look like (sitting next to someone at school who is alone, helping a teacher with a task during school, cleaning up toys that you didn’t play with).  At 5 and 6 I really wasn’t expecting earth-shattering actions for either of them, I just wanted to challenge them to start to see opportunities to be humble and serve others.

 

MY KINDERGARTENER

The school here staggers the kindergarteners the first full week of school so they can test them and give them a slow introduction to school and then the second week all of them come full time.  So, my youngest went to his introduction day and came back telling me he was a friend by sitting next to a new friend and that showed his friend love.  In my mind I sat there thinking, “well it is the first day of school, so everyone is new, and the teachers are probably telling kids where to sit so he probably didn’t have much of a choice” But as I sat there and watched my youngest be so happy with himself and having joy knowing he was a friend to someone I knew he had felt his actions made a difference and he got a check for the day.  The following week on the first day for all of the kindergarteners I walked my youngest to class and reminded him to look for opportunities to show love.  He gave me a tight squeeze then paused and looked around the room.  He noticed there was a classmate who was crying at a table on the other end of the room.  He looked back at me with wide eyes and said, “mom, I see someone who needs help.  She’s crying.  I know!! I can play with her!” All I could do was smile and nod my head.  I told him to have a good day and headed toward the door.  Before I walked out and I looked back and watched as he bent down, stacked up a bunch of mega blocks to create a large tower, and stood back up.  He glanced up to see if I was still in the room and he gave me an anxious smile and nodded at me.  He then looked back at the classmate, adjusted his tower, took a huge breath in and out, then slowly walked over to her.  As he approached her, he set the blocks down and bent down to her eye level.  I can only assume he asked if she wanted to play to which she shook her head no.  He quietly stood back up, grabbed the tower of blocks and returned to his play area.  I walked back over to him and told him I was so proud of him for showing love.  He briefly looked at me and then quietly said “mom it didn’t work, she didn’t want to play.”  I wrapped him up in a big hug and told him that it was okay.  She wasn’t ready to play, but he tried to help, and that was all that mattered.  When she was ready to play, he could try again.

I left the room that day feeling so overwhelmed with joy and conviction.  Watching my 5-year-old step out of his comfort to approach a big situation with love and compassion reminded me that while showing compassion sounds like it should be easy, it can be so daunting.  Similarly, putting your best effort forward and not seeing the results you want can also be very frustrating.  Nevertheless, just because something is daunting and frustrating doesn’t mean it’s not valuable and vital.

 

MY FIRST GRADER

My oldest is in first grade this year and since we homeschooled last year this is his first year at the big school.  I wasn’t sure how he was going to adjust to the full day schedule, kid chaos everywhere, and all-day structure, but so far he’s doing great.  When I approached him with the task of finding ways to be a friend, he also thought it was going to be a walk in the park, an easy way to earn a checkmark for the week.  However, he has become very familiar with my line of questioning and knows that before he says, “yeah I was a good friend today” he has to be able to tell me what he did, why he chose to do it, and how it helped the other person.  Now, any good deed is a good deed in my books, but I question him to help me connect the equation, my response + the event = the outcome.  His choices have consequences, good and bad.  If he chooses to do nothing, the outcome will reflect that, when reversed, if he chooses to do something, the outcome will reflect it.  Now when I ask him if he was a friend today, I usually hear “Yeah!  I was a friend to ____ because I (action) and that showed them love.”

 

BE THE EXAMPLE

Our world is lacking compassion and perhaps it’s because we are still center focused.  I’d say most people overlook opportunities to show compassion because they aren’t searching them out.  When opportunities are spotted, I’d argue most immediately will think about how they might benefit from their actions or perhaps they expect a 180 turnaround from the people they are helping. I know I certainly catch myself feeling that way at times.  It’s part of our sinful nature.  However, that doesn’t mean we should let it win.  As I am working on my boys’ hearts, I am also working on mine.  No act of kindness is too small, and, in a world full of hurt there are ample opportunities to serve and spread love.  I want my boys to be well-educated but more than that I want them to be compassionate.  As any parent knows, our kids pick up on our actions more than our words.  I am trying to be more deliberate about pointing out ways to show love when I am out and about.  Putting grocery carts away, paying for a meal in the drive thru, picking up trash on the beach, serving at church, donating to a cause, holding a door open for someone.  If I want to see the change and the growth, I must be the example.